What I Learned From My Wedding: Part 1

By on May 19, 2009 in Balance

1. You can’t control anything, or how I learned to love the rain

 We had chosen the venue for the view. We were to be married in a state park up in the Berkeley hills with a gorgeous view of the mountains in front of which we would be performing the ceremony.

The week before we started scanning weather.com. Chance of rain. Then, bigger chance of rain. And then, even bigger chance of rain. It doesn’t look good.

So what did I do? After 20 years of mindfulness practice did I simply accept things as they were? Did I meditate on gratitude? Did I take a few breaths and soldier on?

 No. I freaked out.

This was the biggest ceremony/party I’d ever have in my lifetime and I wanted it to be perfect. But the rain, oh the rain…

And then my husband to be came down with a nasty cold. And then the swine flu hit and one of my best friends had to cancel as she didn’t want to fly with her immuno-compromised preemie babies.

Things really weren’t going as planned.

So I was freaking out. Not only that, but I am convinced that when you get married you channel archetypal “crazy bride” energy. It’s not really personal. I became Bridezilla. I yelled at my mother at several key moments, and once really loudly at my fiancé in front of all the patrons of the nail salon. So much for years of meditating.

It was actually quite humbling.

After the freakouts, it slowly dawned on me that there was nothing at all I could do about anything. Really, nothing I could control: not my fiancé’s cold, not the weather, and certainly not the so-called global pandemic.

It was then that I began to breathe. I realized I had a choice. I can rail and fight and scream and continue to alienate every member of my immediate family. Or I can breathe and remember that mindfulness is about things as they are. Sigh.

So I took a deep breath. And discovered something quite extraordinary…everything was just fine as it was. More than fine.

My groom recovered just in time for the kiss, there were 100 beloved people celebrating in joy and love with us, and the rain, well it created a mystical foggy pilgrimage up the mountain, on view through the giant picture windows, and kept us all in the lodge, joined together in front of a blazing fire. The energy of the wedding stayed contained rather than dispersed. I couldn’t have been happier.

So what did I learn? I learned once again (sigh) how little control I have. And that what actually happens may be a lot better than my ideas of how things should be. And that yes, acceptance is key to living with ease and joy.
 

About diana.winston

Diana Winston is the Director of Mindfulness Education at UCLA Semel Institute’s Mindful Awareness Research Center (MARC) (www.marc.ucla.edu) where she is teaching mindfulness practices to the general public across the age spectrum to promote health and well-being.

She is the author (with Susan Smalley) of Fully Present: The Science, Art, and Practice of Mindfulness (www.fullypresentthebook.com
She is a nationally known mindfulness teacher who has taught mindfulness since 1993 in a variety of settings including schools, hospitals, universities, retreat centers, and non profits. She has taught mindfulness to health professionals, leaders, teachers, activists, seniors, and adolescents in the US and Asia. She is one of the early founders of meditation programs for teens and young adults, and taught on the seminal mindfulness and ADHD research study at UCLA in 2005.
 
Her work has been mentioned in Newsweek magazine, the New York Times, and in a variety of magazines, books, and journals. She is the author of Wide Awake (Perigee Books, 2003) the CD “Mindful Meditations,” and has published numerous articles on mindfulness, Buddhism, and social change. 
 
Diana is a member of the Teacher's Council at Spirit Rock Meditation Center (www.spiritrock.org)
 in Northern California and was trained to teach vipassana meditation by Jack Kornfield. She is also the founder of the Buddhist Alliance for Social Engagement (BASE) Program and former associate director of the Buddhist Peace Fellowship. She has been practicing mindfulness meditation since 1989, including a year as a Buddhist nun in Burma.
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