The word "compassion" often conjures up images of Mother Theresa, Ghandi, or other famous people that have worked exhaustively at helping others have as much of their basic human needs met while sacrificing their own.
No doubt their hard work has enriched the lives of millions of people; some directly through their actions, others indirectly through their presence.
What if all of us behaved with a little more compassion toward the people in our immediate environment? How would it feel to sacrifice just a little of our own ego to brighten the day of a family member, friend, or stranger? And, how would we change as a result of expressing small, seemingly insignificant acts of conscientious understanding?
Take an internal, mindful "look" into your most recent actions where there was tension or strife with someone. Could it have possibly been as a result of either of you needing to be…
- right?
- acknowledged?
- catered to?
- coddled?
- dependent?
This list is just a small number of unmet basic needs during our childhood years that we summon and demand from other people throughout adulthood. No, we don’t always get these needs met from our parents, no matter how loving and nurturing they were, but it’s important to find ways to fulfill them ourselves without covertly demanding them from others. That’s when frustration sets in and relationships get damaged… sometimes for many, many years.
Now, imagine that other person you’re having tension with as a young child, longing for someone to listen and acknowledge them, cater to their whimsical fantasies, depend on, or someone who would just simply understand them. No matter what the issue is, their negative reactions are just a cry for wanting to be understood in some way, shape or form.
You don’t need to pretend to be their parent, or cater to their needs in any way. But, perhaps you can change your reaction whatever it is they do or say that bothers you. Perhaps your simple act of compassion can be to move on to another topic you can harmoniously enjoy together. Try laughter, a gift, a service.
So, step back and find the space between thought and action. The only thing you sacrifice is the anger and tension that only damages you.
Decide to do something today that expresses compassion and go for it. No, it’s not easy. Mindfulness takes practice.
Happy New Year!
Thank you for this reminder, Liz. I don't make New Year's resolutions but I do try daily to be mindful of my intent. My practice is helped along greatly by my dear mother-in-law. It would be easy for me to dismiss her as someone who "just doesn't get it". For example, I decided that I really didn't need Christmas gifts anymore and asked family to make donations to charities for children or animals if they felt the need to give me a gift. My mother -in-law couldn't get her head around this and insisted on giving me a gift and did not understand what I meant by donating to charity instead. At first I was frustrated because of all the people who might give me gifts, hers are the most likely to be something I do not want/need/like. It usually ends up in the garbage or the thrift shop. I realized recently that in accepting the gift from her I am doing the giving. She likes to give things, despite having no ability to discern what people might want /need/like and she likes to make things for people. My intention is to honour her spirit of giving and receive that spirit (disguised as a chunky acrylic knit hat or plastic flower arrangement) with grataitude.
Hi Shawna,
Thanks for sharing your story. I've had my own issues with my daughter's grandmother, and I can honestly say it has helped my spiritual growth in more ways than I would've ever imagined.
Of course, it looks better in retrospect, but the challenges other people give us can always be a learning experience of our own personalities.
You're very well "connected" as I say to those that can step outside of themselves, and decide to act with compassion and understanding.
All the best,
~Liz