My cell phone rang while driving to my son’s basketball game; he was in 4th gradeand about to play his elementary school’s archrival. I was supposed to watchhis game for 30 minutes and then pick up my daughter from her tennis match. Butwhen my doctor told me I had "a couple of cancer cells," I pulled the car over and cried. "Does this mean I have breast cancer?" I asked myself later; I hadn’t asked the doctor because my mind had shut down when I heard those words. I was too young to have cancer, I thought – I was only 44 years old. I was too busy to have cancer.
I had a thousand questions racing through my mind. But,slowly – too slowly – some were answered and I progressed with my treatment.After 10 long months my treatment ended in late 2004 and I was pronounced "cancer-free," andI headed into my "survivorship years." I’ve learned a lot about breast cancer and my body in the past 4 years and there were some things I learned that Iwished the doctors – or someone – had told me sooner:
I wish someone had told me that my body would be thrown into permanent menopause.Not the gradual, "life change" menopause, but the one-day-I-have-estrogen-and-the-next-day-I-don’t kind, thanks to the chemodrugs, which basically shut down my ovaries. Suddenly, I was worried aboutmy skin’s elasticity, hot flashes, and vaginal dryness – not to mention weight gain.
I wish someone had told me that the doctors don’t make any treatment decisions for you. The first month after my diagnosis, I went to the doctor expecting him to tell me what to do. He never did. He laid out my options and I had to decide what was best for me. I was in limbo for that first month until I had my surgery. Itdrove me crazy!
I wish I’d known that some of my friends and family wouldn’t always know the right thing to say,if anything at all. I had a first cousin who basically stopped talking to me.She didn’t know what to say, so she avoided me at all costs.
Going through breast cancer treatment is a slow and emotionally painful process. But, as I learned, a survivor is just that: one who wants to thrive and live. I went through this test for myself, my husband, and my kids.
VickiTashman lives in Los Angeles, where she is the founder of Pink Link (www.pink-link.org).
Vicki–that story brings tears to my eyes remembering the shock-you were the first of our friends to get the disease, and others have followed, unfortunately. Your strength has shown all of us that we can go on-and hopefully be cancer free! xoxo rh
Thank you Vicki for sharing your story. I've lost a few friends from breast cancer but I am happy to say that I have quite a few friends and family members who are survivors. May God continue to bless and keep you and your family. (I love that through your journey you chose to help others by founding the pink link. You go girl!!!)
~Gigi
I wish http://www.WhatFriendsDo.com had been available for you! The website helps friends know what to do and say in the most difficult situations, and the whole purpose of the site is to keep friends connected during a crisis or life-changing event. Vicki, you are such an inspiration to others and you are amazing with what you have done to help educate and encourage others. Hopefully through efforts like http://www.pink-link.org and http://www.WhatFriendsDo.com, people facing a diagnosis like you faced will not have to feel alone with respect to information and support.
Fran Kandrac
co-founder, http://www.WhatFriendsDo.com
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