This two-time breast cancer survivor, mother, and writer/creator of the blog Pink Ribbon Review, will give advice to other women battling the disease.
On Thursday, July 17, 2003, I first learned that I had breast cancer. I was only 35 years old and had no family history of the disease. I sat at my kitchen table, clutching the phone handset in my shaking hands, trying to make sense of what I’d just heard. It sounded like I was going to be okay. The surgeon on the other end of the line said the cancer was non-invasive. 100% treatable. But still, I thought, breast cancer can kill. I have children, young children, I thought. Two boys. Two beautiful baby boys. They can’t grow up without a mother, I thought. I can’t die.
I went through my treatment with this philosophy: I can’t control the cancer within me but I can control how my children fare while I battle the disease. So right away, I began to research the best way to parent my kids through breast cancer. Here’s what I embraced:
I decided right away not to try to protect my children from the truth, but to frame it in a way that wasn’t frightening. I used the words “breast cancer” freely, knowing that as children they had no preconceived notions about the disease being fatal. I even allowed my oldest to come with me to my treatment a time or two in an effort to demystify the entire experience for him.
I explained things to my children using age-appropriate language, emphasizing the fact that breast cancer was not a contagious illness like the common cold or flu, but something inside my body that had gone wrong and needed the help of doctors to make it right again.
I told them they’d be hearing a lot of conversation about breast cancer and that I’d be on the phone a lot, especially in the early days after my diagnosis. I told them that if they were quiet and patient while I was on the phone, I’d be sure to spend some time with them in the quiet when I was off the phone.
I shared my tears with them and made it clear that they could share their tears with me, anytime, and we’d get through my treatment together.
And we did get through it, with flying colors.
But on Thursday, April 6th, 2006, I learned that my breast cancer had recurred. I sat at my kitchen table once again, listening to the nurse practitioner at my surgeon’s office explain that this time, the cancer was invasive. This time, I’d have a more aggressive treatment plan. This time, I thought, I’d have more questions from my boys because they were older. This time, I thought, I’d have to consider the needs of my daughter, brought home from China the year before after an international adoption. This time, I thought, was going to be harder.
But I remembered how we got through my treatment the first time around, as a family. And I remembered how I parented my kids the first time around and decided not much had changed after all. My children still needed my honesty. They still needed my explanations. They still needed time with me in the quiet when we found it. They still needed to cry with me – and I with them.
And once again, we got through it, with flying colors.
Karen Lynch is a two-time breast cancer survivor, wife and mother of three living in Connecticut, where she is a freelance writer and journalist. Her blog Pink Ribbon Review is dedicated to raising breast cancer awareness.
Dear Karen,
Thank you for your article. It makes your experiences very real to others.
I am writing a book on cancer treatments to show others their very best options. My website is; http://www.kissyourcancergoodbye.com/
The conventional programs only supress the cancer, because they are using a "systemic poision" approach, which does not kill all of the cancer cells, such as the Hypoxic Cancer cells. There are incredible programs in Clinical Trials that do "target" the cancer cells & only the cancer cells, no matter where they have mestasitized to, without the horrible side effects of the "chemo" programs. When you have mestastic cancer, you are dealing with trillions of released cells that have spread throughout your body. It reoccurs over & over again with conventional treatments & you sacrifice your quality of life to only supress the cancer. "Targeted Biological Therapies" work with your immune system, instead of against it & these new treatments are usually free in the medical schools. The "biotechs" are the competition to the "big pharma" & the biotechs have the answers to solve cancers.
The best program in the long term is to train your immune system to recognize your cancer & that is being done in several clinical trials, such as the NCT00706615 trial, which can be found on "clinicaltrials.gov". To see a good list of the trials type in "breast biological" & it will give you a list to review. You then print the ones that you want off & take them to your doctor, so he can review them & help.
Ben
Dear Karen,
Thank you for sharing your survival. I am a survivor myself- 10 years in January 2010. Each one of us has a unique and poignant testimony. My son was 10 at the time of my dx. I was a single parent with an elderly, ill mother. As a RN I knew what was in store for me as far as medical treatment was concerned. I am a believer that your love of life is what keeps you living. Light , Love and continunous health.
healingheartsla