There is a wonderful old story about a farmer who finds a wild horse in the field and takes it home. His neighbors, admiring the horse, congratulate him on his good luck. “Good luck, bad luck, who knows?” the farmer replies. A few days later, his son is thrown from the horse and breaks his leg. “What bad luck,” his neighbors say. “Good luck, bad, luck, who knows?” the farmer replies. A week later the army comes by wanting to inscribe his son. Seeing his broken leg, they leave without him. “What great luck,” his neighbors say. “Good luck, bad luck, who knows?” the farmer replies.
Without a larger context and a deep perspective that often comes with time, none of us really knows whether situations are good or bad. All we know for sure is that change happens. Sometimes it falls gently like the dew; at other times, it crashes into us, zapping every cell of our being like a cattle prod. Still at other times, it arrives with such audacity of hope that we may find ourselves excited and perhaps even a little frenetic. However, whether or not we desire the change is secondary. What matters most is how we dance with it.
Here’s a basic principle I learned from aikido that has served me as a foundation for dealing with change. Any time you have a job or task to do, energy streams through your mind/body system to help you do the job. If you open and align to it, you experience, well-being, aliveness and joy. If, on the other hand, you resist it, you experience discomfort, distress and possibly disease. Now some jobs are so small, like standing up from a chair, that you won’t even notice the rush of energy. And some jobs, though big, are so familiar to you, that you open and align to the pressure of change as if you were operating on automatic pilot. It’s the changes that are less familiar, those sudden bumps in the dark, those that rip your heart open or send instant messages to your worry center that need some tech support. Responding well to the pressure of change is the ultimate dance of intimacy between you and you. Aligning to this energy infers an embodied balance or center not just the idea of it. You have to be willing to sense/feel without racing to your cognitive mind for analysis, critique or instructions for you to dance through change with presence and grace
The other day I watched a student at the zendo I attend, teach for the first time. Noticeably apprehensive, her body swayed forward and back as she sat waiting for the rituals that preceded her talk to begin. After a while, her movement naturally lessened like a pendulum coming to rest and she became centered, grounded and confident. Her presence filled the room and in doing so, her performance was a hit even before she opened her mouth.
Getting good at finding center when we lose our balance is of utmost importance. It is human to be unsettled by the changes in life; it is mastery to quickly find our way back home. Often people will take a walk in nature, listen to music or engage in some other activity that calms and re-centers them. However, in the midst of a business meeting or emergency, none of these modalities are appropriate. Instead, each of us needs ways to re-center in a heartbeat when under the pressure of change. Here’s a couple of ways I learned through aikido to reprogram my nervous system.
- Imagine and pretend there is a white vertical light (I call this center) that flows down through the top of your head and into the ground. When we are under pressure, some of us react by moving ahead of that vertical beam as if to rush or to exert our will while others lag behind it so they don’t have to fully engage. Spend time every day noticing your habit and then call your spirit home and realign to center. If your habit is to move through life ahead of yourself, sense/feel your back. Cheap trick–imagine you have big wings growing from your shoulder blades. On the other hand, if you tend to lean back, feel the energy in the front and say YES to the situation. The more you practice, the easier it will be to your way home fast as your inner highway develops.
- When we resist pressure, we contract and may feel fear. When you feel yourself getting smaller, reverse the flow of energy and like the sun, radiate out 360 degrees. Don’t think about whether you can or can’t do this- just play it as if you can. Sense/feel the circle around you getting bigger. (It will if you don’t limit it.) Soon you will be as big as the job or change that initially unsettled you.
How do you find your center when under pressure? What are your techniques? In the spirit of shared learning, please write a comment.
I retreat into silence. There’s a non-stop frequency that I can tune into at a moment’s notice. Tuning into this frequency allows my mind to become blank, anywhere or at anytime. It wasn’t until I committed to daily meditation and yoga, that this awareness became prominent, I used to wish for it to stop, not i’m thankful for this gift from God.
Hugs, Lily
Thanks, Aimee. This is a great reminder that we can move through pressure without being trampled by it.
Sometimes I find my center just by bringing attention to my fingertips and toes, even wiggling them surreptitiously. For some reason, that gets me breathing and re-aligned in my own space. Other powerful focal points for me are my feet, belly, pelvic area and bottom of the spine.
My daily practice of tai chi is helpful. Being aware of my physical presence gives me a framework for opening to the larger energy flow. I also do this when I want to align more fully with my husband for an intimate exchange!
Great elucidation! I have a variety of techniques based on the type of pressure – one is laughter and reframing
another is ‘swaying tree’ a taichi spiraling/twisting exercise and another is questioning my intent or the intent of who is in front of me. A great book about learning to find your dance is, “The Dancing Healers” by Carl Hammerslag. Your post made me think of the old George Leonard book, “The Silent Pulse”. “the dance of intimacy between you and you” – great language.Thanks!
One thing I do is a trick I learned at the gym. On those days when I don’t feel all that motivated or perhaps am a bit sore or have a minor injury I simple close my eyes and tell myself “find your pace. Find your pace.” Every time I do that I find my perfect stride.
In the motorcycle world the most effective riders follow the simple rule: – Ride your own ride.