Before I decided to blog about the sudden and tragic death of Whitney Houston, I wanted to make sure I had my facts straight; after all, although I am a media expert, I am also a professional Psychotherapist and I value the truth. Although, I, like everyone else did know Whitney had issues with substance abuse, we still don’t know what actually killed her. We still don’t know if it was an accidental drowning? Was it a lethal combination of alcohol and benzodiazepines? Was it an intentional or accidental overdose, or was it an accident? We will all know soon enough, but sadly it doesn’t bring back the brilliantly gifted vocalist and musical legend Whitney Houston.
I have been watching the media like everyone else, and the most disturbing thing I have heard so far is her friends saying she had champagne at a party and was “just having a good time….” Really? They appeared to say it with no regard to the fact that Whitney has publicly expressed a history of drug and alcohol abuse. Anyone with even a tiny bit of knowledge of addiction knows that for anyone with substance abuse past, abstinence is the goal. Were her friends blind to that? I doubt it. Didn’t her staff and friends know that hanging around certain environments as she did are triggers for an addict or alcoholic? Are they clueless that an addict can’t just have a few sips of champagne? I don’t get it and it saddens me that once again the “enablers” were at it again doing what they do best; enabling.
Although not all celebrities who have suffered from addictions have fallen from grace as Whitney has, the bottom line is this: Friends and staff are often willing to live in as much denial as a famous addict or alcoholic lives in. Why? It serves them — whether it is for money, fame, or the fear they might be thrown out of the celebrity’s inner circle. No doubt there were those who supported Whitney’s recovery, but there are always those who turn a blind eye. What about the doctors? I saw footage of Whitney walking out of the same pharmacy days before that Michael Jackson used to fill his deadly doses of drugs. What’s up with that? When will it stop?
No, I don’t know how Whitney died, but it is obvious she had a history of substance abuse problems and like many have said; her death is a shock but not a surprise. I will never forget my early adult life singing in the car to her song “Greatest Love of All” feeling empowerment surge through my body or “I will always love you,” thinking about my latest break up, or using my hair brush as a microphone singing “I wanna dance with somebody who loves me”. Whitney, you brought so much joy to so many including me, and although your life was shortened way too soon, I am grateful you blessed the universe with your God like talent through music.
Sherry Gaba LCSW, Psychotherapist, Life & Recovery Coach is featured Celebrity Rehab on VH1. Sherry is the author of “The Law of Sobriety” which uses the law of attraction to recover from any addiction. Please download your free E books at http://thelawofsobriety.com/store/ Contact Sherry at sherry@sgabatherapy.com for webinars, teleseminars, coaching packages and speaking engagements. Listen to Sherry on “A Moment of Change with Sherry Gaba”on CBS Radio
In the end we are all responsible for ourselves. We know right from wrong, good from bad. Which path we choose to go is our choice. Struggle or easy. FREE WILL!~ I struggle everyday with physical and mental health. I choose to not become addicted to pain medications as I see where so many have gone before me on the path. There are other options and most will require hard work. It is all about what we want fromlife and who matters in this life and beyond. faith…
it depends if you've given them responsibility and they've accepted it .. otherwise you cannot watch someone 100% of the time .
I am a little confused by this article. Are we blaming the "enabler" here? We can not blame "enablers" right? Yes they do have some blame in it but ultimately it is the persons responsibility to make descions in their lives and then to live with those descions. Right? What right do we have to blame someone else for the things other people choose to do in their lives?! I know that drug addiction is a disease but it is the person with the disease who has to decide how to handle it…right? Having said that I would like to point out that REAL friends would have picked up on her behaviours and not left her alone or at least checked in ALOT with her in those weak times. Maybe what Whitney really needed was a trusted girlfriend to really "have her back!" unfortunately, drug addiction and true freindships don't usually go hand in hand:( I loved her music and I hope her family can find peace in this tragedy…
Sherry
Thank you so much for this very important post.
I have strong feelings (of distaste) for the enablers who allow their "friends" or "patients" who are clearly addicts to continue their addictive habits.
Personally, I have had to deal with several friends who are alcoholics, drug addicts or addicted to prescription drugs.
As a true friend, I feel I need to confront them or address the problem when I am seeing behavior that I know is not healthy. Invariably what happens is they start to avoid me. But, I think deep down inside they know I am coming from a place of love. (And when I don't hear back, I keep calling.)
As for the doctors, it is inexcusable. Yes, an addict will usually find a new doctor. But to make it easy, when you know a person has a problem, is unethical and in my opinion, criminal (ie. the case of Michael Jackson and Dr. Conrad Murray.)
Thank you so much for posting this. I didn't know Whitney, but her songs were part of my life and for that I will always be grateful.
Recovered addict here (alcohol, recreational and prescription drugs, cigarettes) Friends can only do so much, in the end the choice is yours, the responsibility is yours, you have to want it. When what you want are drugs,and a means to push away uncomfortable feelings, you will be able to find them, you keep trying until you succeed, there are plenty of ways to make it happen. When it finally clicks in that sobriety is what you want, because the choices you have been making are killing you and causing great suffering for you and all those connected to you, you can make that happen too. We all need love and support to make it work, but you have to really want to make that change, put that support system in place, and it takes great courage and strength, education to help you see clearly. We have a profound ability to change and we must choose it. You can lead a horse to water…
Malika, I too am a fan of Whitney Houston and sad at the circumstances of her passing. I saw your father, Deepok, being interviewed on Piers Morgan last night. He said he has a detox center for Celebrities up in Washington State to help treat those with similar drug addictions that Whitney had. Is there a mechanism in his program which reaches out to celebrities, who are struggling, surrounded by yes people, and aren't being properly supported? You'll have to excuse my ignorance.
I also feel strongly about this subject. I have a family member who has suffered with addiction for over 20 years. It wasn't until I became educated to the disease of alcoholism and substance abuse in general, that I switched from being an "enabler" to a "savvy loved one." It is not a simple matter with simple solutions. It requires education and practice on a day to day basis and requires a dedication to "helping" the addict. If I could distill what I have learned so far, perhaps I will help just one person in this situation. The principles are the same for the average addict and the famous addict.
I have adopted the "Options for Change" approach. You must never feel sorry for the reasons that the addict uses. You must never clean up after them or overlook the deception that is ever present. You must never be the keeper of their secrets. If something feels wrong in your gut, learn to trust it. I have become adept at sensing when the deception is in the air. The addict will go to great lengths to avoid the shame that is their constant thorn in the side. We as the friends and loved ones of the addict get caught up in the web of deception and cover up. They can be very convincing that "harm reduction" is the best they can do. The "just a little treat" approach which never really works. I learned that you can't blame the circumstances (environment, friends etc.) for enabling the addict. In the end, the strength and conviction to get help comes from them. With the famous, the main advantage would be that family and friends can afford to get them into a good detox and rehab facility. However, research shows that there is an 80% chance that they will have to repeat the rehab more than once. My advice for those feeling desperate with an addict in their life, if to become educated by taking classes on addiction and learn how to help them navigate their way back to health. Arm yourself with the information and your Love. Please don't give up, as we all know that when we " wake up and get it" we can somehow find the strength to change. I have seen the most depraved addiction turn around.
The addicted brain is a formidable opponent. Stay the course and slay with intelligence and Love.
Beautiful sistah … great sharing! This passing has certainly hit many hearts mine just being one! Miss our talks, congrats on your radio show! Ever needing to talk to a crazy, give me a shout lol! Big hugs and love hon
great blog article and very true…..how can someone with addiction probs be hanging out at clubs or drinking champagne, beer or anything throw in some pain killers or sleeping pills and it can be very bad…..strict sobriety, no half measures, no sips, not just a little…..too bad for her friends and family