People rarely think they “should” be exactly who they are. They’ll say they “should” be thinner, or richer, or more attractive, or more successful, or a better spouse, or a better parent, or countless other comparisons that chip away at their self-esteem.
If you constantly feel disappointed or irritated about not being the person you “should” be, then you can’t simply enjoy who you are now. As the Chinese proverb states, “Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.”
Some people worry that if they let go of who they “should” be, then they’ll stop growing toward that ideal. However, it’s pretty common to get so demoralized by a never-ending quest for self-approval that you give up completely or start sabotaging your own progress! You can actually move forward more easily when you accept who and where you are now.
So try a little experiment. See what happens when you define yourself as relaxation instead of a role or someone with a particular possession. For example:
• Instead of “I should be a better parent,” try “I am relaxation.”
• Instead of “I should be more successful,” try “I am relaxation.”
• Instead of “I should lose ten pounds,” try “I am relaxation.”
From that place of relaxation, you can still reach toward whichever goals you choose, but you can reach forward more freely, more openly and more joyfully when you’re firmly and safely rooted in who you are now!
I needed this today. Thank you Debbie!!
I'm so happy to read that, Yumi, thank you!! Hope you're having a great week.
great point. personally, i don't think i should be anybody. i know i am who i am. but that's just me.