I got an email this week that I wasn’t supposed to get. You know, one of those email strings that the sender meant for efficiency but instead held an observation that could have been construed as hurtful. A forward that “shouldn’t” have been forwarded. Oops. We’ve all done it.
And so what? It was sent in anger, allegedly at me, but not for my eyes, although my eyes saw it. This is what’s valuable about the experience: I get to look at the best way to handle the anger of another person. Indeed, I get to practice the most skillf
ul way I know to deal with same.
What is it?
Above all, respond. Do not react.
I didn’t. I read the mean email, knew whence it came, and immediately turned my attention away from the anger of the young man who’d sent it. I asked: what is this reflecting in me?
Dear One, believe me or don’t, but every single experience we have is a/ perfect and b/ a mirror, whether we like it or not. So, who’s really mad? And at whom? Both very productive questions.
The truth is that both of us are angry. But not at one another. Oh no, the anger is, on the one hand, projected by the young man onto me, but really is anger at himself for failing to meet a commitment. And yes, I too am angry at myself because I didn’t speak up earlier when I thought the project might be going sour.
I have, however, and by grace, not responded to the other person in anger. I have simply kept stating what I need without emotional charge. This will resolve itself, I have no doubt, into peaceful clarity, the more I insist on peaceful clarity.
Interestingly, and FWIW, the one thing I have had to “sacrifice” is the desire to teach him a lesson. I’m not meant to be his teacher in this scenario. If I were, he would be learning from me consciously rather than acting out unconsciously. If I want clarity and grace, I get to let go. Period. No other options.
The temptation in a scenario like this one is to draw less-than-helpful conclusions about ourselves based on what the other person is telling us is “the truth” about how they see us. Why do that? What purpose is served?
Self-esteem is a funny thing. The word esteem comes from roots that mean estimate. Ever gotten an estimate on a project you were doing? Did you like the estimate? Great. If you did, you went forward with it, and were pleased. If you didn’t like the estimate, what did you do? YOU GOT ANOTHER ONE!
If you don’t like the esteem/estimate in which someone holds you, get a new one. Self-esteem has that wonderful prefix: self-! You get to make your own estimate of yourself and you don’t have to accept those of others unless you like them.
So who’s mad at whom? We both were—at ourselves, and it’s real easy to kiss and make-up with yourself. Thank God/dess!
For spiritual nourishment, visit Dr. Susan Corso’s website and blog, Seeds for Sanctuary. Follow her on Twitter @PeaceCorso and decipher the divinity in your language with God’s Dictionary.
Thanks renay, lovely post.
Thank you Norren :0)
With Love,
Renay
beautiful post renay, thanks for opening our eyes too.
Wish you love, peace and happiness.
Trisha
Thanks Trisha!
From Love,
Renay
Thanks for the link Renay,
Especially enjoyed the bonding video how – to. I have done a lot of reminiscing the past few years and have found what appeared to be very temporary and casual bonds from the distant past, to be utterly compelling to consider now. What we may have chalked up to sheer animal attraction, now contains lessons – food for self examination, we had previously missed. This has some effect on the new bonds we create here (Intent) and now. Here there is an element of choice and selectivity, but it is very secondary to communicating with each other. I LIKE THAT! Love 10X,
Ed
Thanks Ed.
Love back at you!
Xo
Renay
Hi Renay,
Congratulations on being selected best of the week for this post. Love X10.
Ed
Thanks Ed!
I did not know.
XO
:0)
Organically Yours,
Renay Matthews
http://www.organicspaces.blogspot.com