Written by Tabby Biddle
I’ve noticed lately that I have been calling a number of women … girls. It was my husband actually who first pointed this out to me. One day we were jogging past a woman pushing a double stroller on the sidewalk, and I called back to my husband, “Watch out for the girl.” My husband quickly replied, “She’s not a girl, she’s a woman.”
A week after this incident, I received a Facebook message from a male friend with the subject line: Woman vs. Girl. He (I’m going to call him Dan) wanted to know my opinion about whether it was ever appropriate to address women as “girls.” The irony here is that I had not been in touch with Dan for months, so he would not have known that I was currently in a phase of calling women “girls.” I figured this was life’s way of getting me to look deeper into the issue.
The feminist movement worked hard for women to be called "women," and never girls. The term “girl” was considered diminutive and disempowering – a term associated with being a victim. The use of “woman,” on the other hand, was associated with confidence and power. In fact, as I understand it from those who were a little older than I was in the 70s, calling a woman a girl was like spitting in her face.
While I understand the argument of the feminist movement, I am wondering if today we actually give something up if we insist on being called a “woman” all of the time? Could we be abandoning our girlish playfulness and sensibilities? Could we be disenfranchising an important part of us that actually holds the key to our ultimate power as women?
The other question that comes to mind is: Is it okay for a woman to call other women girls and not okay for men to do this?
“I see many of my friends and acquaintances still using ‘girl’ when speaking of women, and sometimes when talking to a woman directly. I feel it’s disrespectful … Now, when I catch my friends speaking in this manner, if it’s an appropriate environment, I will call them on it. I try to be humble and considerate with this suggestion,” said Dan in his email.
How we address each other is important. There is no doubt about that.
I think my occasional turn toward calling other women (myself included) “girl” is a way to reclaim some of my own girl power. To me, this means a person who is fun, adventurous, exploratory and bold. A woman to me is strong, confident, responsible, nurturing and global in her thinking. Probably the most important piece to all of this is the integration of girl power with woman power in each woman herself, allowing a dance between the two.
While feminists made “woman” a hard and fast rule, could it be time to reopen the case? Could we be coming to a time when we need to reclaim “girl” to embrace all of the woman that we are?
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Tabby Biddle is a writer and editor living in Santa Monica, CA. She specializes in helping women entrepreneurs and first-time authors get their message out. Additionally, she is the founder of Lotus Blossom Style, a yoga lifestyle company created to support women in their journey of personal transformation.
Hi Tabby, that's very interesting. I am trying to remember all the times I was called 'girl'….and I don't remember minding it. It sounds young and playful to me and I had actually liked it. Between women, it can create a sisterly & fun vibe. I don't know how I'd feel if a man uses the term
. The intention/tone/context will also matter.
I like the term lady better than woman though – said in a nice way
.
Thanks for your post!
Enjoyed..
Harshi.
hmmmm. im 22…
personally.. i dont like the sound of "that woman" – etc
to me, it sounds weird.. the same to my ears as saying "that female"
i use 'girl' for my age, 'kid' for younger, 'lady' for a older..
and i use 'chick' as a PG derogatory form of lady
I often address my girlfriends with "Hey, girl" and they address me the same way. To us it is like calling each other "sista". I don't think it is appropriate for men to address women this way, I like it when men address women as "Ladies."
I can't stand to hear men refer to women as girls. Generally when women call each other girl, it is short for girlfriend imo.
I have to agree that I really like the term "ladies." It feels like a combination of woman and girl. I use this term playfully with my friends a lot. I also wanted to say that I think a man using the term "girl" in a professional setting is inappropriate and should be addressed in the moment.
Thanks for all of your input and personal sharing!
Tabby
Smiling! A a 40 year feminist, my awareness is perhaps see-saw-ish.
"The girls" call each other and get together for lunch, etc. "Join us, Jane… It's just the girls and it'll be fun!"
Speaking to a young person, "woman" or "lady" feels appropriate ~ perhaps sounds more respectful for a young person to hear.
If a man is so inclined to call me, at 60 y/o, a girl, I burst out laughing and pump my fist…
If I am so inclined, I will say, "Oh yeah, the boys are getting together for golf on Sat."
If I am with feminist friends, we often call each other the "the girls" in private. NEVER in public, it is "woman."
WOW! I had not thought of this in years! Thanks for the opportunity, Tabby, and to the other responders, thanks for your input, too.
Love,
Jules
PS If an adult is acting out, I call her/him 'a jerk' regardless of gender, (smile!)
Tabby,
In a professional setting, I agree, it would be addressed immediately, "You are welcome to call me Jules." or "Dr.___" or "Ms ____." I would make the distinction I wanted.
The other thing is some physicians, dentists, call themselves, "Dr Jones" while calling me Jules. I immediately switch to their first name then as well.
Thanks again!
Tabby, to me it is all in the intent and not the semantics. For example, if my "girl friends" say something like "you go girl", "that's what I'm sayin' girl" or some such, and they say it in a way that I know infers support, good feeling and respect, I will get that.
On the other hand: I have never liked being called "girl" in a way that meant, as has often been pointed my way: I envy or am jealous of you, and am going to belittle your woman-hood by calling you a name in a demeaning fashion, and I am intending to offend and be one up, because " I'm being a bitch…"
That way of speaking, I don't like and will never like, no matter how the female person in question tries the pretend she is being nice.
Also, I would like to encourage sisters to stop being put downish in this way, it is very shallow.
So, that is my general feeling on the word "girl"…signed, I was last a girl when I was ten…love womanly Jas
Also…do men speak of "boy power" to each other?