Wordplay Wednesday: Leaving

It must have been my body’s way
Of protecting myself
I became so numb
And only now
That I’m starting to feel
Can I look back and
Understand what I’ve done
I was desperate for
Any kind of distraction
I just wanted a better place
To take my mind
I told myself I
Was just being social
Going out with my friends
And having such a great time
But there was a nervousness
Underlying my behavior
I didn’t feel comfortable
In my skin
I talked all the time
To fill up the space
So no one could ask me
How I was doing
I didn’t want to have
That kind of conversation
I wanted to look forward
Not back
My primary focus
Was on being strong
I really didn’t realize that
I couldn’t keep going
On like that forever
Eventually I’d
Have to slow down
And let all the feelings
I pushed away
And work through them
The way I am now
Some days I struggle
Other days I feel fine
But I’m learning a lot
And I’ve realized
That it was easier for me
To love myself
When he was there
Loving me
And I need to learn
To feel good on my own
And take full
For the choices that I make
For the way that I behave
I can’t look to someone else
To keep me
From making mistakes
And I know it’s going to
Take some time
But I feel so much better
Just knowing I’m trying
To be the person
That I want to be
And now I can clearly see
That everything happens
For a reason
And that he did me a favor
By leaving

Note: I wrote this one in December of 2005, about 6 months after a break-up. Rejection is protection! 🙂