Wordplay Wednesday: Leaving

It must have been my body’s way
Of protecting myself
I became so numb
And only now
That I’m starting to feel
Can I look back and
Understand what I’ve done
I was desperate for
Any kind of distraction
I just wanted a better place
To take my mind
I told myself I
Was just being social
Going out with my friends
And having such a great time
But there was a nervousness
Underlying my behavior
I didn’t feel comfortable
In my skin
I talked all the time
To fill up the space
So no one could ask me
How I was doing
I didn’t want to have
That kind of conversation
I wanted to look forward
Not back
My primary focus
Was on being strong
I really didn’t realize that
I couldn’t keep going
On like that forever
Eventually I’d
Have to slow down
And let all the feelings
I pushed away
And work through them
The way I am now
Some days I struggle
Other days I feel fine
But I’m learning a lot
And I’ve realized
That it was easier for me
To love myself
When he was there
Loving me
And I need to learn
To feel good on my own
And take full
For the choices that I make
For the way that I behave
I can’t look to someone else
To keep me
From making mistakes
And I know it’s going to
Take some time
But I feel so much better
Just knowing I’m trying
To be the person
That I want to be
And now I can clearly see
That everything happens
For a reason
And that he did me a favor
By leaving

Note: I wrote this one in December of 2005, about 6 months after a break-up. Rejection is protection! 🙂

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About Sarah McKinney

Sarah McKinney is an entrepreneur, market researcher, writer, musician, poet and yogi. Writing poetry has always been a natural part of her process, used as a way to gain clarity on, and express, what's going on inside. She currently lives in Santa Monica where you can find her doing all the cliched things people in Santa Monica do, and loving every minute of it. Learn more at: http://sarahmck.com/