"You talk a lot, but you’re not saying anything." – (ironically) Talking Heads. We humans are always talking, talking, talking. If we’re not talking to other people, we’re talking to ourselves, either out loud or via a near-constant stream of inner dialogue.
A great exercise is to simply notice whenever you’re talking. What are you saying? Why are you talking in that moment? Is it with purpose, or is it out of habit? Is it out of nervousness? When you hear the inner dialogue, try asking yourself, “who’s talking right now?” Wait for an answer. See if you can quiet your mind (and your mouth) – and when you do, notice whether or not it affects your experience of the world.
It’s not what you say, but how you say it
As I’ve mentioned before, dogs do not understand English very well (or whatever language you speak in your home). Dogs rarely use their own “voices” to communicate with each other. The dog equivalent of “hi, how are you today?” is much more physical, related to body position, action, and smells. What your dog reads from your body language is always more important than what you’re saying (and the same is generally true for human interaction as well). I often encourage people to spend a week without talking to their dog at all. Instead I ask them to focus on what they do and how what they do affects their dog. Can they encourage their dog to come closer with body language alone? Do certain things seem to get their dog more excited, nerved up, crazed? Do other things help their dog settle and relax? Are some actions perfectly neutral?
There are two components of vocalization: energy and communication. At the most basic level of interaction, when you talk to your dog you are adding energy to your dog’s current state. Your diaphragm pushes air out of your lungs and through your vocal chords, causing sound waves to vibrate outwards from your mouth. Those sound waves are energy that your dog experiences on a physical level, both as vibrations that they sense with their body, and “sounds” translated by the eardrum into auditory sensations. The sound energy that you create has the potential to affect your dog in a number of ways – primarily based on the frequency of the sound. Low frequency and/or quieter sounds are more soothing, while higher pitched and/or louder sounds are more stimulating.
Why "No!" Sometimes Means "Yes, more please!"
While a loud, high-pitched sound has the potential to interrupt the flow of whatever your dog is doing (e.g. you yell “No!” and your dog drops the ham sandwich), it often has the effect of intensifying your dog’s action in the moment. That’s why yelling “No!” at your dog once they’ve started chasing a squirrel into the street usually has zero impact on their behavior. You might as well be yelling “Go get that squirrel!” It’s not because your dog doesn’t understand the meaning of “No” (which is debatable) but because, in that situation, your dog is already in the flow of chasing that squirrel. By adding energy to the system with your voice, you are actually fuelling your dog’s squirrel hunt.
It’s like spinning a basketball on your fingertip. In order to keep the ball balanced, you have to keep the ball spinning. So you whack the ball with your other hand, making it spin faster, and keeping it fixed on the tip of your finger. Whacking the ball to keep it spinning is the same as yelling “No” at your squirrel-chasing dog: it adds energy to the system to keep it flowing.
The importance of context in how you use language
However, dogs definitely seem to learn the meaning of words like “sit” or “ball” or “walk,” and learning verbal commands is very important for both of you. If you want your dog to lie down at a distance from you, you’ll have to be able to communicate your intent somehow, and yelling “down!” is the ideal way to do so. But a verbal cue will only work if it makes sense in the context of how your dog is feeling in the moment. If you’re adding energy with your words, then your dog might lie down, or your dog might keep running after that squirrel. It’s not about your dog learning your language better, it’s about making sure that your obedience “commands” are always congruous with the energy of the moment.
When I work with a dog, I use my voice as a form of “energy interaction.” I use a deep “good dog” to help a dog relax as I massage them, and I use a more excited, enthusiastic “good dog” when I’m trying to fuel the desired behavior, by adding energy to the system. Since I’m generally focused on trying to get a dog to do the right thing, instead of scolding them for doing the wrong thing, almost all of my vocal input is simply to help keep the dog’s motor revving. Very occasionally, a loud, attention-getting “aye!” helps to interrupt the flow of whatever a dog is currently doing, but that is very minimal in my human-to-dog interaction and usually a last resort.
First teach the meaning – THEN teach the word
What about useful vocal commands like “sit,” “down,” or “stay?” Rather than learning the language, a dog will come to associate a word with an already-learned behavior. Once a dog is getting the feeling of a given behavior, the vocal command can be added. In other words, I don’t start saying “sit” until a dog is already sitting reliably, and then I say “sit” at the instant the dog is already about to sit. Same for “down,” and same for “stay.” In effect, you want to teach your dog the meaning of the word before you teach them the word, and it’s always easier to understand language if you get the context. When a word is first introduced, it’s primarily working on an energetic level, and it’s not until later that a dog will respond to those words as communication.
I recommend giving yourself the experience of communicating with your dog in a language that your dog truly understands by holding off on vocal interaction as much as possible. When you become fluent in physical interaction, an interesting thing happens: you’ll become even more aware of the effect that vocal interaction has on your dog. You’ll see how energy comes before communication, and when you do use your voice, you’ll notice how you are adding energy to the system.
In our house, where we’re always trying to prolong the baby’s naptime for as long as possible, I’m grateful that my dog responds to silent commands via body language. You may find your own uses for silent commands, but most of all I think that you’ll appreciate the feeling of real communication with your dog that comes from tuning into the dynamic of energy exchanged between the two of you.
Neil Sattin is the author of www.naturaldogblog.com a website devoted transforming your relationship with your dog (and yourself) with a centered, nonviolent, and radically different way of training. He released "Natural Dog Training: The Fundamentals", an instructional 2-DVD set that teaches his methods. Neil lives with his wife, two children, three cats, and, of course, his dog Nola outside of Portland, Maine.
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