I got a phone call from Brooks last night. He called me to tell me that I am losing my God presence. He said it was something about the way I live.
We talked about it, I said: usually when I lose myself my life collapses also, becomes very narrow, I get really focused on a detail and lose sight of the large picture. It doesn’t happen now. My life works, I get clients, I get money, I meet people, I have adventures.
Brooks said: As you pay attention to the outside what is inside disappears.
There is no inside and outside. But there is a distinction of who I am, who I identify myself with, what I consider me, and what my life is.
It stuck with me. As I walked today morning I thought: life is inside, not outside. Who I am is life. There is a representation of me in reality, in 3d reality, but that is not who I am. Who I am is who I am. Life is who I am.
Brooks said: you get busy, you have jobs, clients, things to do. Before you know it this is who you become.
I thought: What is being alive about?
It is about being, I saw. About being who I am. If the only expression of it is my body sitting in one place for 80 years then that is what it is, because life is inside, not outside. It is about being who I am – not about being the expression of who I am.
There is a lot of pain there, a lot of trauma coming up as I write this.
Being a visual person I see it as a picture: a crying girl who had all her toys taken away from her, all her favorite dolls gone, blankets lost, teddy bears will never be seen again.
She has been told that life is inside, not outside. And she cries: But I loved my dolls so much! They were such good dolls! Such beautifull dolls!
I am not that girl.
Dear Pausha,
When I attended classes at the "I AM" Temple in Los Angeles, Pasadena, Mt. Shasta, and San Diego, I listened to dictations as part of the ritual. There are over 1000 dictations which are cycled through in some way over the year.
One of the concepts that would occasionally come up was that we can not participate in the temple activities at the same time that we pursued worldly goals. We would be lectured that either we were seeking within or seeking without. I didn't mind. I liked being committed to inner life.
When I had an epiphany of sorts in the way of a new theory of evolution, I had to leave the church in order to fulfill a more basic drive of being human and sharing with others what I knew and perhaps they didn't. As hard as it was for me, I left the religious practice that I loved and prospered in.
I took my children to a Christian church for their education and I am so grateful that I found one that is progressive and loving in a way I could manage. Part of my going without or seeking of money is due to my sincere fascination with the "I AM" Temple and the way that I want others to have this too. If I were able to earn money with my idea, I would want to build temples, closer to me of course because I want to go easily to classes and not drive 1/2 hour to downtown location, but also because I want them to be loved by our country.
I hope you might enjoy and/or benefit from hearing this theory of evolution. Let me know what you think.
Brenda
Hi Brenda
I am not sure I'm clear on your theory of evolution, could you please elaborate?